i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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