So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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