I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
