the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
