sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
