Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
