He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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