I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
