jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
