She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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