I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
