I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
