for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
