I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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