I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
