update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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