I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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