I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
