holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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