I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
