Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
