I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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