my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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