I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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