I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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