yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
