I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
