genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize