She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
