You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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