did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
