I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
