I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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