if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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