you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
