Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
