Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
