You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
