i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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