Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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