Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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