you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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