I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
