i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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