Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
