Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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