she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize