Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
God, I missed his penis.
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