She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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