my shit smells like andre
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
