you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
