You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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