Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize