Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
