Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
