Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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