Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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