then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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