Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
