Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
