if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
