i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
