I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
