I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
