like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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