I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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