Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
