I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
