My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
