You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He has the fingertips of a God
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
