I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize