My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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