DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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