As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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