Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
