and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
