Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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