he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
