Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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