There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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