Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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