just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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