Pappa wants mamma naked
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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