Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
