singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My balls are so social today.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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