I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
