I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize