I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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