How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
