He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
