That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
