An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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