the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
