the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
