I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
