Umm I'm too high to move.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
