I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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