Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
