so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize