his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
