Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
