I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
