I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
